But one thing about the place disturbed the living shit out of me. Out of 4 doctors there, 3 of them were men. Now, I won't question why any man would want to be a gynecologist (because I'd bet that the answer in most cases has to do with extreme perversion), but I do question why some women *want* to see male gynecologists. Any chicks out there care to give your opinion? Granted, I've never seen a dude for this type of shit before, but the even if the guy was completely ideal, the idea deeply disturbs me. Particularly when dealing with a potentially painful procedure, there's a huge trust issue involved. And well, I'd trust the doctor who knows what they're doing from both the perspective of a doctor and a patient over the one who's always just a doctor. I think having the patient experience as well could easily give you some insight on how to do your job better than any book or second-hand experience could teach you. I'm not saying that men could never be great gynecologists, but that the idea of actually seeing one just doesn't sit well with me.
In other news, I'm upset, and it hasn't been this bad since I was fifteen and went on prozac. Shit happens and there are always periods of uneasiness, but I've always been able to bounce back into optimism and emotional stability reasonably quickly. Now? Not so much. I've been crying constantly and against my will for about two months straight. I feel like I've finally, officially failed at the basics of being human, and since the basic desires of life can't be satisfied, I can't fully appreciate any of the good things surrounding me. I no longer have any significant, potentially cool changes in life to look forward to, and every time I think "hey, maybe (whatever) will change," I'm confronted with the reality that it's never going to. The fact that I'll never really get what I want out of life has always been apparent, but it's just never felt this real to me. I'm not looking for sympathy (Seriously. Don't do it. When I get the "awwwww, i so sowwy" messages, it usually comes off as being completely insincere, and just pisses me off even further.); I just needed to give these devils some fresh air... if that makes any sense at all.